Just say it

I didn't want to say it.

I didn't want to be the first one to say it.

I was scared... I was just scared.

I held on to it for so long.

I thought you could see it in my eyes and feel it in my lips and hear it in my voice with other words.

Maybe you did and you were scared too?

Scared of your own feelings or maybe my response?

I didn't say it because I knew you wouldn't say it back.

I didn't say it because I was scared I'd feel empty afterwards.

I loved you and more than just as a friend.

My Lone Wolf

Earlier I was just laying in bed and I just turned over to your side of the bed as if to cuddle you. I just started thinking about those times we just laid together. Idk if you know but I would stare at you sometimes just to engrave those moments cause I knew they wouldn't last. So as I'm thinking about those moments, I was also thinking about previous men in my life and how any of those moments compared. Found myself unable to picture them or really remember any of their moments.

You don't know how much the time we spent together means to me. How happy I was while we were together. How badly I wanted to leave work just to be in the same room with you. 

You really don't know that I cry every single day now that you're gone. Yes we still talk everyday but it's nothing like when I was driving and you were next to me holding my hand telling me how your work day was.

Now I just try to fool myself into thinking that if I reconnect with myself and learn to be alone, I'll be ok. As if I haven't been alone enough already.