If

As i sit here and think about all the little conversations that we've had in the past, I wonder where did it all begin?

Was it when you asked me to cook for you?
Was it when I text you just 'cause?
Was it when you called me that morning of the 1st winter storm?
When did it all begin?

All these feelings that I have in my heart are soo confusing to me.  I don't know what to make of them. Do I tell you? Do I just leave them locked up?

See, I've poured my heart out before and it's gotten me nowhere.  Then again, not saying anything won't get me anywhere.  So what do I do?

What if I tell you how I feel and you don't feel the same way?
What if you don't want to be my friend anymore?
What if you feel the complete opposite from me?
What if I mean absolutely nothing to you?

Then again,

What if I tell you how I feel and you've felt the same way?
What if you just weren't sure about how I felt and were waiting for me to tell you?
What if you just want to be closer to me?
What if you want me to stay in your life?

Truth be told all I can think about is wanting to be in your arms and feel your lips on mine once again.  I can't help but think "I'm crazy to think that a guy like you would ever want a girl like me".  At the same time I don't want to have those doubts later on in life. :

What if I would've told you and you wanted to tried us out?
What if it would've worked out and we had a great relationship?

So many "What if"s. And thats exactly what I don't want.

As I type this out, I've realized something.  In life there will always be "What if"s.  There's always different roads you can take and they won't all be used. Hence you'll always wonder "What if I did that and not this?" and vice versa.  

Unfortunately it hurts more when it comes to matters of the heart and soul.